Instructions for reading this blog: assume a very sarcastic posture. Please do not read too much into it. Read with a deep bored monotone with an occasional high pitch when asking questions. Again, do not read too much into it. Close your eyes and imagine the actual commute. Laugh (well let’s hope you will find this funny, if you don’t, wait for the next entry, perhaps that will be more of your style).
7:00 a.m. Morning coffee with milk, no sugar….No No anise cookie, too many calories…
SMS to Colleague: Meet me downstairs, on my way
Facebook Status update: Abu Dis
7:10 a.m. Exiting Ramallah…sound of heart breaking, no seriously, heart breaks. I have become a local, cannot get away from this city…that is sad…very sad….
7:15 a.m. Stuck in Qalandia traffic, no reason for traffic jam, yet stuck in traffic. Oh wait, Qalandia checkpoint is blocked, so there IS a reason.
Facebook Status update: stuck in Qalandia
To my right: the Wall. Favorite graphite entry: Ctrl + Alt + Delete.
Random thought crosses my mind. What if Israel had a Facebook account? Imagine the notifications:
Oppressed Palestinian just wrote on your wall
Angry and humiliated Palestinian drew on your wall.
Pissed off Palestinian woman posted a link on your wall
Solidarity expatriate posted the Apartheid application on your wall.
The US sent you a message: can you please please, pretty please keep the settlement freeze…love ya!
Angry, but very smart Palestinian just infiltrated your wall.
England just tagged you in a note: The Belfour Declaration
Hamas > Israel, you are going down with handmade rockets baby!!
Still at a standstill; to my left: The Camping Center. Tents, tarps, and all camping needs… A camping center in the middle of a refugee camp, anyone here sees the irony? (Note to self: excellent blog entry, must write about this sometime).
8:00 a.m. Finally made it outside of Qalandia; on the “open road” (if you call that an open road); more like an open death trap. It should have a disclaimer: Drive at your own risk, loose pot holes, high speed bumps and armed settlers. Why hasn’t anyone made this into a video game yet? Hmmmmm……
8:05 a.m. stopped again at Jaba3 checkpoint, no reason whatsoever. Ok this one is brief, back on the “open road,” if you call that an open road.
8:08 a.m. stuck behind a slow driving settler. Are you serious? You want to take our land, build on it illegally, banish us from our own roads, and then drive slowly on the ones we can actually use?! Get out of my face FOOL! My mental tirade, pleas, demands and threats make no significant different. The road finally turns into two lanes, if you call those two lanes.
8:18 a.m. Arrive in Hizmah…here is a question, what the hell is Hizmah?! (Must discuss in blog entry)
8:20 a.m. Back on the open road, if you call that an open road. Cars are flashing their lights at me. I am so popular this fine morning. Oh wait that means there are police on the road, and….
8:25 a.m. Stopped by Israeli police. He has the nerve to smile at me. I hand him my papers. He asks me if I know why he stopped me, and all I can think off, I bet I am about to find out.
Facebook status update: getting a ticket by Israeli police for ignoring a stop sign, please don’t tell my mother!!
Policemen hands ticket and says: “don’t ignore stop signs,” and I want to say, would like to ignore your entire state if I can!
8:35 a.m. Back on the open road, the only portion of the road that comes close to an open road. To my right a Jerusalem Exit. The Exit I can never take. Here is a thought, what do you call an exit you cannot take? According to the dictionary, exit is a passage out; a way to leave. But if this exit is never going to be my way out, or my way to leave, should I even be calling it an exit? Huh? What... I need coffee.
8: 45 a.m. Arrive in Azarriyyeh…Thank you USAID for the new controversial road! From your people to my people! (Please note the sarcasm) Only in Palestine can a road be controversial!
9:00 a.m. After squeezing my car through the old roads in Abu Dis, I am on campus.
Facebook status update: In Abu Dis; in other words NOT in Ramallah….